Continuing Life After
With this kind of news, you see your world crash before your eyes. Okay, not really. But it does seem like it at the time. The questions start coming one after the other. “Why me?” “How am I going to live like this?” “Am I ever going to feel like a normal person again?” “Am I going to be able to have kids one day?” “Am I ever going to be able to date or get married?”
Dramatic, I know! But there are millions of questions that go through your head when the doctor says you are going to have to make a life change. I just remember leaving the doctor's office to go back to college crying all the way back. I kept asking “Why me?” “Why are You taking everything I love away from me?” I won't be able to do what I love most, bake and run.
Running had become very hard for me over the past couple of years. The doctor said it will take a lot of healing before you will be back to your “normal” self to run like I used to. It has been over a year now and I still can’t run on a regular basis. It all depends on the day whether I will be able to run or not. I would encourage you to try when you are up for it. You may be able to run 4 miles or barely get through 1. But you will not know until your feet are on the ground and you start your run. Take what you can!
Baking was another thing I loved to do. I would bake for parties, family, or just for fun. Knowing that inhaling the flour when baking would make me sick for days scared me enough to stop baking. I have now learned what Gluten Free flour is best for baking and have put back on my mitten and apron!
After my diagnosis, it was hard to eat out at restaurants with my family. I would try to eat at places I had always ate at and order Gluten Free and then I would end up in bed for a week or two. Not fun! I found out real quick that cross contamination is a huge deal with Celiac Disease. The first time I had gotten really sick was when I went to Dickey’s BBQ. I had gotten so sick that I could not walk up the stairs to my apartment. When I finally got up after many minutes and a phone call to my mom, I could not lift my arms to put my blanket on. Being super active like I am, this was a very scary moment! This is why I have so much anxiety when I am asked to eat out at a new restaurant. Don’t be afraid to ask a million questions when eating out. It is not fun and really annoying, but keep yourself safe when eating at a restaurant.
I had also experienced a lot of brain fog. This is not good when you are still in school! I remember sitting in class watching a video on classroom management. It was a great video! After the video, the professor started asking questions about the video. When she asked me a question I could not even remember what the video was about. I never could answer the question. It was so frustrating and embarrassing!
One of the most frustrating things about celiac is that it is all in the inside. People do not know what is going on in the inside, they only see what is on the outside. You could be hurting, sick, or run down without it being seen by others. When you have an invisible illness it is hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have a clue. It is a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside when you look fine on the outside.
Although, there have been many mountains I have had to climb, I am here to tell you that it does get easier. It doesn’t always seem like it and you will have many days were you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. I still do, and I have had this for over a year. You will spend hours in the grocery store the first few times trying to figure out what doesn’t have the hated words, wheat, barley, rye, and malt in it. You will get upset when your friends are eating food you used to love, like soft pretzels and Blue Bell ice cream. You will hear, “Oh, your on that gluten free diet that everyone is doing.” You will live and learn what you can and cannot eat. Thankfully, there are many tools and foods out there now that are here to help! I will be telling you about some things that have helped me and some gluten free foods that are actually good.
Through all of this, I have learned that God has a plan for you. You may not know it now but He is working! For the last 2 years, I have listened to one song every morning to help me get through the day. Even If, by Mercy Me. The following verse stuck out to me one day and has stuck with me throughout this whole journey. “I know the sorrow and I know the hurt would all go away if You’d just say the word, but even if you don’t my hope is in You alone.” This verse has shown me that even when God doesn’t move the mountains, He will still help you up them. During the journey to my diagnosis I have held on to one thing, “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”